After your divorce you may find your emotions running the gamut from anger to possibly even embarrassment. Rest assured this is within the normal scope of emotions.  Sometimes they all come in one day and sometimes they are far and few between.  At such serious times, you may find yourself beleaguered.  This is the time to enlist the help of a friend or a group of friends that all share the same mutual experiences.  The idea is to get together to help each other out as you all share a common problem.  Oftentimes this help can be found in a divorce support group.  In short, a divorce support group is a gathering of individuals seeking to meet on a regular basis sharing and offering insights and support for each other as each member grapples with the new realities of divorce.  Divorce Support Groups bring into the fold people who understand what you are going through. There are thousands of divorce support groups around the U.S. that provide the atmosphere that will allow you to get your life going again in a productive and healing manner. You will find that most divorce support groups are non-denominational despite that most will be held or sponsored by local churches.

Where are the Support Groups?

They can be anywhere and most likely they are within fingertips of your local phone directory, computer mouse or trusted friend.  Your telephone as well as the Internet should have listings under Counseling, Divorce, Therapy or Mental Health Services.  The "blue pages" of your phone book should list agencies and community services relating to mental health and support services. Don't be shy about asking your attorney to recommend a group either.

Why do you need a divorce support group?

Healing from the ordeal of divorce with a "go it alone" approach is extremely difficult, and may even be perilous to your health.  By joining a group, you can draw comfort about being with others who understand the painful process.  After all, there will be lifestyle alterations because of your divorce.  A lot of faces nodding in agreement while you discuss your suffering can be healing indeed. According to research, one of the many benefits a group can offer is a boost to your mental health.  It is stimulating to be involved and useful not only in helping yourself but others as well. And, in helping others, you will find yourself moving a little more swiftly in the healing process. Additionally, groups both large and small can supply not only understand and support, but an exchange of useful, practical information, too.

The First Meeting

The first series of meetings with a divorce support group is often highly emotional. You will share stories, trials and tribulations with people who had been married anywhere from one year to over four decades. You may even discover that even though educational and income backgrounds vary, anxiety and unhappiness do not – they span all social boundaries.  Divorce then, is the great equalizer: you are all in it together.  Moreover, divorce does not discriminate! You'll start out as strangers in your group and end up as friends exchanging contact info for support at any hour.  Chances are you will need it.

Some Things to Consider

         Should you go with therapy or support groups?

A therapy group is run by a professional therapist. You will be charged a fee and there are attendance requirements and all sorts of other guidelines. A support group is usually led by a community volunteer or church leader, or it may be administered by a professional and best yet, many of them are typically free with open attendance requirements.  On the other hand, some support groups can be so huge they may feel daunting and you may not get the consideration you need. On the other hand, you may like blending into a crowd - a divorce fly on the wall, if you will.  With therapy, you will get more individual attention, though, it will be more costly and perhaps even more emotionally demanding.

         How should the group be made up: Men, women, or both?

There are pros and cons to each arrangement: A co-ed group can be an opportunity to work on male and female relationships in a safe and comfortable environment.  You will get the perspective of the other sex, which could be helpful in your own divorce.  A group consisting of all women may lead to close female relationships allowing women to call each other and simply have an ear to bend.  A divorce support group of all men will make it easier for some guys to talk about their manly feelings without feeling embarrassed.  

         How often will the group meet? 

Some groups meet monthly while some tackle the weekly schedule. The idea is to pick one you can reasonably attend on a consistent basis.  Also keep in mind, your needs for support may be greater in the early weeks versus the later.  But, whatever group you decide to be part of, do just that – be part of it.  When they have meetings – go!

Suggestions to keep in mind

Be punctual, nothing is more aggravating to a group than a Johnny-come-lately.  Also, when you're hurt and your pride is at an all-time low, another hurdle you face is allowing the group the opportunity to help you out.  You will find you will be resistant at first, because divorce may have eroded your ability to trust.  Similarly, be sure to respect the privacy of other group members.  For instance, don't gossip about group members to your friends or relatives.  Keep in mind, groups can be like friends too.  At first, there is a getting to know each other period, but gradually you will become more and more comfortable with each other.  So don't rush to judgment on your first meetings.  Let your relationship with the group grow naturally. 

Everybody loves everybody

The great thing about attending a divorce support group is you can find immediate acceptance and substantiation for your experience. You can literally be lifted to a higher, more positive place in just one session and that is the whole idea.  Once you get into the pattern of attending the group regularly you will feel less anxious and more in control of the divorce process. We have discovered that others have cited a wide variety of reasons that they found beneficial to being part of a divorce support group:  One such woman explained that she discovered a great source of free information from her group through the insights and recommendations of the other members.  In fact, things worked out so well she felt she could attain a much better divorce settlement than she otherwise could have. 

If you're a guy, don't be shy

Men have a tendency to hide behind an emotional wall and be the proverbial tough guy, but all too often, when they do reach out, they find a strong kindred bond with others in the group.  As an example, one such "manly man" said that he was surprised to find so many other men that had the same emotional heartbreak he had when it came to not seeing his kids.  And here he thought he was the only softie in the bunch! 

Strength in numbers

There is strength in the many and when you are part of a divorce support group you have the strength of those numbers every step of the way.  Sometimes, group members will even help in you in-person.  We learned of an example of one woman who was too scared to attend a custody hearing and so several group members went with her to provide the emotional support she needed. 

No support group to be found?

What happens if you there isn't any support groups in your area?  Start one yourself.  Contact to your local library, or church about using their community room for divorce support meetings.  Just by being proactive you may feel much more in control of your life.  The importance of this cannot be underestimated during such turbulent times.

You need a little "me" time as well

Sometimes you need to get away from the group as well.  Taking time to reflect on your life in private is just as important as a group experience in our opinion.  In private reflection you can turn over in your mind your feelings and really listen to what is going on inside you.  You can then begin the healing process.  Pay close attention to any negative thoughts that keep recurring.  You will find that your support group may provide valuable insight into your private reflective time.  They will help cull the best out of you and perhaps help interpret what you are experiencing. 

The longer you go the better

Another great benefit about belonging to a divorce support group is that the further you move along the further you will heal.  You will discover there are all sorts of members at varying stages of the divorce healing process and you just might be surprised when it is pointed out to you how much progress you made since your first meeting.  Likewise, you may find yourself in a position to see someone exactly like you were when you first started and now it is time to repay the person in your group that helped you the most by doing the same for the new person.  Funny how it all works out in the end. 

Moving on

So there you have them - strategies that should help you get through a real life divorce by leaning on and becoming part of a divorce support group.  It is our hope that you've arrived at the end of this article freshly armed with a firm understanding on what exactly a support group can do for you and where you can find the services of one.  We wish you luck in finding the support you need.