Pulling yourself up
Okay, now that we talked at length about good techniques and tips that you can do, which you couldn't do before, now it is time to be realistic about the challenges you will face. Like we said, it will take hard work and the best course of action now is to deal with it realistically. Don't hide from it, take it head on. What follows is a wealth of information that you should consider.
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Change your name
If you're a woman, consider changing your name as part of your divorce decree. Keep in mind that during the divorce decree this can be done free of charge, but latter you will have to cough up some dollars to do so. In our opinion, do it now. It is time to reinvent yourself and get started immediately. Also be sure to change your name with the Social Security Administration. Go to their web site at www.ssa.gov. Click on the link to "marriage, divorce and name changes." If they change the linkage, just use their search tool and enter "divorce" and it should come up. Below is a summary of what we learned and points to consider when changing your name. Visit their site for more.
Changing your name assures that your earnings will be properly reported by your employer and recorded in your records. You can get a new card from Social Security with your new name, too, and you should do that as soon as possible.
If you are divorced after at least 10 years of marriage, you are entitled to collect retirement benefits on your former spouse's Social Security record. However, you have to be at least age 62 and this depends on if your former spouse is entitled to or receiving benefits. Keep in mind, if you remarry, you generally will be denied benefits on your former spouse's record unless your later marriage ends from death, divorce, or Annulment.
If your ex-spouse dies on you (and we wouldn't want that to happen), you can receive benefits as a widow/widower but the marriage must have lasted 10 years or more. Benefits paid to a surviving divorced spouse 60 or older do not affect the rates for other survivors receiving benefits. So, even though you will put that marriage long into the rearview mirror, as you age, keep those benefit thoughts in your back pocket.
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Change your driver's license
Another quick way to get on with your life is to have it updated on your Driver's license. As you do this, think of all the new places you will get to go with your driver's license that would not have been possible under the old arrangement. Then, get in your car and go somewhere.
The U.S. Department of labor explains it as such, "a qualified domestic relation order is a domestic relations order that creates or recognizes the existence of an alternate payee's right to receive, or assign to an alternate payee the right to receive, all or a portion of the benefits payable (with respect to a participant under a pension plan), and that includes certain information and meets certain other requirements."
This basically means it is a "judgment" or a "decree" by court, made in relation to state domestic relations law (including community property law). It involves provisions of child support, alimony payments, or marital property rights for the benefit of a spouse, former spouse, child, or other dependent of a participant.
If the judge approved a certain provision, then make sure you get it in writing. The Qualified Domestic Relations Order is the writing. Find out more at U.S. Department of Labor: Employee Benefits Security Administration's web site www.dol.gov/ebsa.
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Quitclaim and statutory warranty deeds
If your divorce decree calls for a quitclaim deed or statutory warranty deed, make sure that this actually gets done, too. This is very important when it comes to refinancing or selling your property.
Tip! Make sure to get all quit claim deeds and other warranty deeds recorded
In fact, one of the most annoying aspects of selling a house or refinancing a property down the road is to discover that your quit claim deed, which legally states that a previous deed holder no longer retains rights to a property, was never recorded. Then, ten years later, say you went to sell the property that was awarded to you only to find it legally never changed hands. Then you may have to call up your ex and get a new one signed. He or she might refuse to sign it a second time and if that is the case, you have to get a lawyer again who can get a judge to do it forcefully. However, say the spouse died? The kids might not want to sign it and you will have more problems. So, we repeat ourselves, get all deeds recorded.
It may be a pain to constantly badger others, but keep calling your county's recording office, until it is recorded. If not, call your lawyers back and pester them until it is done. Far too often, after they have their money, the suddenly might lose interest in having a document recorded. They might forget, but you shouldn't. If the divorce decree calls for you to transfer title to one or more of your automobiles, go ahead and get that done.
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Joint checking accounts
Get your name (or your spouse's name, as the case may be) off the joint bank account and get an account in your name if you must. Even explain to your banking representative that you are divorced and there should be no mutually accessible accounts from this point forward. They will understand. If they seem to drag their feet, consider opening up a new account with a different bank and closing your old one.
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The mortgage
Make sure that the new arrangement is clearly reflected on the mortgage payments. If you are no longer on title, call the mortgage company and let them know. If you are on the only one on title now, do the same. Make sure it does not appear that your ex-spouse is still paying the mortgage when in fact you are. Likewise, if you are no longer on it, make sure that is reflected, too. If your ex has trouble and skips a few payments you don't want it to adversely affect your credit, too.
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Establish new credit
This might be hard, but get started building a new credit history right away. Open a credit card in your name alone and actually use it to make a credit purchase. No need to go overboard on this, but it does make sense to build a record of using credit and using it wisely.
Other things to keep in mind
Make sure your auto insurance got changed over. You don't want your ex driving around like a maniac and plow into a tree on your policy. Your premium will suffer as much as your ex's.
Make sure your health insurance is lined up and in place. If you are no longer covered by your ex's, be sure to file a "life change event" at your current place of employment. Especially if you are a woman. Not to add any fright but a recent report on Yahoo.com claims that divorced women get more colds and illnesses than married ones - ouch! This leads to our next tip.
Get some exercise. Get some fresh air. Take the time to start a new healthier lifestyle.
Make sure your life insurance is in place and that you actually ask for the proof from your ex that he or she has purchased required life insurance if that was part of the deal.
If you're paying child support or alimony, get it set up so that it happens as a routine. If you're paying through an income withholding order (IWO), make sure you pay directly until the IWO kicks in and don't skip those payments. Get used to less money right off the bat.
Don't' forget about redoing a will. You don't want to rebuild your empire only to have it go to an ex spouse in the unfortunate event of your death.
Live more simply. Walks in the park. Free concerts. Volunteer to meet new people and if you must, drink at happy hour where you can save on the rounds.
Consider making some kind of an announcement that you are now divorced. It can be both a cleansing and healing act. You can send a broadcast email. You will be amazed at who was rooting for you all along (and who wasn't).
Learn it and live it
So now you have handy tips to help steer you right in the coming days ahead. However, perhaps you are wondering what the divorce landscape looks like. Read our next installment for some surprising facts about divorced couples. Learn about the new world in which you entered and where you now fit in society. However, as the saying goes, there are lies, damn lies and statistics and you never have to be defined by a number. Visit our next section and learn about the numbers that make up your brave new world.
Click here for Part 7
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